


Memento Mori

by IvoryCrow



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Reincarnation Cycles, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14806295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvoryCrow/pseuds/IvoryCrow
Summary: Akira finally understands why they say life is hell. After all, the demons were already here and Ryo was the devil himself.“We share the same fate Akira,” Ryo said, not unkindly, maybe once in another life.(And the clock spins back around and the universe sighs with a heavy heart, as God weaves it all back together again.)





	Memento Mori

**Author's Note:**

> “Innately, there are qualities in human beings that are always repetitive. There are things like love and hate and jealousy that are just going to be there forever.” - Shiloh Fernandez

Akira Fudo is seventeen years old when Satan says he loves him.

Except Akira is a corpse with no heartbeat, no soul, just an empty shell and everything he loved is gone. He’s only seventeen and he’s buried his father, his mother, parents who loved him as he were their own, a boy he would’ve called his little brother. The grave of a girl he loved is flooded with the only tears he had left and he let’s Miko’s rotting flesh sleep in the same casket to bring them both some peace.

Akira Fudo died at seventeen, with no friends and family left to mourn him, and Satan has the gull to whisper sweet promises about _next time_ when hell swallows everything whole and God rains down thunder and holy fire.

 

...

(“It's never the last time, is it?” Akira whispers.  
  
God doesn’t reply. Not to him, anyways.)

...

 

Ryo never says it.

Not when Amon takes half of his heart, not when he tears apart the demon his father became. When he sees Miko steal a kiss from the girl of her dreams with a smile he knows because that's what his lips do when he looks at him. Not when Akira does smiles, not when they fuck, not when they kiss.

It's always Satan at the end with “I love you.”

But what does he know?

 

...

 

He wonders if God's punishment was just a sick joke he couldn't take back. The way he responds to Ryo’s every whim must be a fucking laugh. Maybe the real punishment is having a soulmate, if those are even real.

Because when he looks at Ryo, he wants something so cosmic, so heavenly, it can't be anything else.

 

...

 

There is no Miki this time.

Ryo is everything Akira has and everything he wants but when Amon seeps into his skin, Akira only sobs violently as his body is torn and bent. Amon smiles wickedly, _knowingly_ , and Ryo hisses, swinging around to point his gun.

Akira cries the most when Ryo pulls the trigger.

 

...

 

“Please, Akira. Please. Just once, pick me.” Satan begs, falling to his knees. His wings are scattered on the ground, bloodied clumps from frantic ripping. New feathers already emerging from under his skin. 

Akira chokes him with his own halo and he can only whisper one more plea.

 _Look only at me,_ his eyes say and Akira squeezes tighter.  

 

...

(God sighs, “Again.”

Again and again and again.)

...

 

Miki tastes like strawberries in spring but Ryo-

Ryo tastes like heaven and hell all wrapped in one.

 

...

 

“Damn,” He mutters, kicking his boot at the rocks below his feet. An itch at the back of his head throbs and it’s almost on the tip of his tongue. Miko raises an eyebrow at his expression, cocking her rifle higher on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Fudo? Straps too tight?”

“Nah. Just feels like I’m forgetting something.” Akira shrugs, grabbing for his shotgun. “Where’s this bunker Miki was talking about?”

 

...

 

There is something otherworldly about Ryo that he can’t pin.

Maybe it’s the golden hair that’s more pale than gold. Or even the eyes that Akira can only compare their blue to the morning sky. Or the unsettling way his best friend holds himself, like he has a secret.

But Ryo tells him everything and Akira trusts him with his life.

 

...

 

He never picks Ryo.

Not even the times when he loves him. He’ll kiss him, with tears and blood, but holds the skull in closer. The rift always crack and snap between them like it's meant to be.

Akira never begs Ryo to choose him.

 

...

 

He leans over the corpse of a kitten, the wounds on her tummy glittering against the pavement, with wet cheeks and a sob caught in his throat.

“Why are you crying?” Ryo asks quietly, sounding much more like the six year old he is.

He blinks away the tears blurring his vision, “It's just so sad.”

“Yes.” Ryo agrees, “it was inevitable. What a helpless little thing.”

Later, after the years pass, Akira will wonder if Ryo thinks the same of him when he’s bleeding to death in the arms of the devil. If it's too ironic that Satan fell in love with a helpless little thing like him.

 

...

(“No.”

“But I love you.”

“That's not enough.”)

...

 

“Fuck you, Ryo!” Akira screams, “Fuck you!”

He’s banging on the door, tearing into the wood, until it gives under his brute strength. The apartment is bare, furniture gone, along with everything else. He’s gone again, like the time he was six years old when Ryo promised him forever.

“Ryo!”

 

...

 

Sometimes, the way Ryo says Akira sounds more like a confession of love, hate, and everything in between.

Akira doesn't realize he says it the same way too.

 

...

 

“Akira,” Miki grins, dressed in a thin red summer dress. It reflects on her skin like a fire but she has always been so vibrant. “Welcome home.” He doesn't notice his cellphone ring with an unknown number when he drops kisses on her face. 

Somehow, the world ends anyways.

 

...

 

In his world, there are three constant variables:

  1. He loves Miki. In every carnation, at every moment. He loves her in whatever manner she lets him.
  2. He loves Ryo. Bullheaded, beautiful apathetic Ryo sparks something so ingrained into his soul, that he can do nothing but love him regardless.
  3. Satan does not know what love means until it's too late.



But these are things Akira doesn't remember.

 

...

 (The angels weep as God winds back the clock.)

**Author's Note:**

> im back at it again for the angst and reincarnation cycles of sadness. 
> 
> i love and hate this show alot.


End file.
